Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
