I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
