he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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