she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize