How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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