I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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