I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
