I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
zippers are such a cool invention
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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