apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
