If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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