we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
