I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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