the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
