The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
