Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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