the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
