youre lurking in front of me
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
