I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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