I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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