his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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