I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
