Where is the hickey?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
