also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
