I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
