Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
