you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
