So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
foreskin is a definite game changer
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize