I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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