Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
