oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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