Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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