her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
