oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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