girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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