did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
