It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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