you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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