i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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