Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
