Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
