Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
