so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
