Kiss
Puke
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
