We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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