Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
