i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This is classic penis vs brain.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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