Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
