Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
