Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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