eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
