i think i have two assholes
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
