she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
