i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
