By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
