Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
