I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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