Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
