drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
