College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it glows. i had to have it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
