If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
