Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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