Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I pour the whiskey from now on
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
