All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
