His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
