I feel like abortions should bother me more
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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