I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
