dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
my being single is dangerous.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
